The little boy who would have been your best friend here on earth is going to be born very soon. You would have been his best friend, but now you'll be his Guardian Angel. It is a bittersweet thought.
His mommy is one of my dearest friends, although we haven't known each other long. We met just a little over four years ago at work. She and I share the same birthday just one year apart, so a great friendship was bound to bloom. Before we both got pregnant, we would talk about how much we wanted each of you. We made big plans for the both of you long before you were conceived.
Then, incredibly, we got pregnant just 3 weeks apart. She was one of the first people to know about you, and I was one of the first people to know about her little one. We shared every moment of our pregnancies together, every symptom, twinge, craving, and worry. We talked about the two of you constantly. We even shared the news with our co-workers together. Outside of your daddy, she probably knows more about you than anyone. She was one of the first people who knew that you were gone.
I was so afraid that she might pull away from me, that she would think being around me was too upsetting. But I should have known better. I look at her, and I know she feels my pain. Her heart breaks with mine because you are gone. Because the dreams we had together are shattered. Because the things we thought the two of you would share, you won't.
In her pain, she has given me the most incredible gift. She and her husband have unselfishly offered to share their sweet little boy with your daddy and I in such a special way. They have asked us to be his Godparents. I am so overwhelmed that they would ask us to play such a meaningful role his life. He won't take up any of the space in my heart that is reserved for you, but I know that my heart will expand to make room for him. It already has.
Your daddy and I want so much to be there in the waiting room when this precious baby boy is born. To be among the first group of people that get to meet him, get to see his beautiful face. We are not naive; we know it will be hard. Some have even told us that it will be impossible. While I understand their concern and doubt, I know deep in my heart that this will be good for me. I want to experience joy in this time when so much of it has been taken away. My heart wants so desperately to witness a miracle.
I know that you'll be with all of us when Jackson's big moment finally comes, and that you'll be celebrating with the rest of the angels in heaven when he is born.
Love,
Mommy
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