All Things New

Hi Sweetie,

On the eve of the new year, I find myself feeling a little sad. This year has brought so much heartache and tragedy, and I've said a few times that I was ready for it to be over. But in the past week or so, I've found myself wanting to hold on to 2015 a little longer. Time marches on so quickly, and it continues to take us further and further away from those last moments that we spent with you. It sounds silly I know, but somehow entering a new year seems like losing another connection to you.

Papaw built a ball to drop in Morris Park tonight. I've only seen pictures of it, but it looks amazing, and I can't wait to see it in person. We are dropping the ball earlier than midnight so that your cousins and other young family members/friends can participate. I am so grateful to Grami and Papaw for finding a way to include you in every special occasion this year. Since the unveiling of Morris Park, we've held several family get-togethers there. We've Trick-or-Treated, held a Christmas tree lighting, and now a ball drop. You are always remembered when we are in Morris Park.

It is easy to focus on all the bad things that happened in 2015, but I want the year to go out with me remembering all the good things that happened. Grami wrote a poem a few weeks ago that I put to pictures and music.  As I compiled it, I was reminded of so many of the good things, and I've been making a list in my head ever since:

• Your cousin Abigail learned to walk and say our names (Aunt "Kee" & Uncle "I-an").
• Daddy and I got to "meet" you and see your beautiful face. We experienced a perfect goodbye.
• Our family felt (and continues to feel) the outpouring of love from our friends and community in our grief. 
• Our Godson Jackson was born, and Daddy and I were among the very first to hold him.
• Daddy and I saw a breathtaking field of Bluebonnets in TX that we nick-named "Morris' field."
• Papaw finished in 3rd place for his age group at his first ever 5k. He was part of a team of more than 50 people who participated in your honor.
• Our sweet pup Izzy joined the family, bringing so much love and joy with her. 
• Morris Park was unveiled in Grami & Papaw's backyard.
• I conquered my fears and took flights in a 1942 Stearman and a Cesna 210.
• A basketball tournament that will be held in the month of March (the month of your original due date) was named in your honor.
• Daddy and I ice skated at the iconic Rockefeller Center Rink on Christmas morning in memory of you...it was my very first time ice skating!
• I made countless new friends in people I met through the Sadie Rose Foundation and other people I met in your passing.
• My faith and my relationship with God strengthened. 

This year wasn't the year that we expected, but it is a year that we made the most of in every way that we could. I don't know what 2016 yet holds for us, but I know God has a plan.  He makes all things new again.

Love,

Mommy

Merry Christmas Morris

My Angel Morris,

Daddy and I just got back last night from our trip to NYC. We left for our trip on Christmas Eve. As we were landing, I got a glimpse of the NYC skyline and got really excited for a moment. Then instantly the reason for our trip hit me and tears filled my eyes. Daddy smiled at me and grabbed my hand, and just like that, the moment of sorrow passed. We spent Christmas Eve walking around the City looking at the Christmas window displays and other decorations. We walked through this little Christmas village in one of the big holiday stores, and I smiled when it contained a model bi-plane that reminded me of my flight with you.

Christmas Day was jam packed with activities. Daddy laughed at one point during the day and said that I had so many things planned that he didn't have a moment to think. I smiled and told him that I planned our day that way by design because I didn't want to think. I worried that if I stopped for even one moment on Christmas Day and thought about what we should have been doing with you, that the entire day would be lost for me.

We started Christmas morning early with ice skating at the Rink at Rockefeller Center.  I had never been ice skating before, and it had been years since Daddy had been. Not surprisingly, Daddy was great at it and I was not so graceful (although I'm proud to say that I didn't fall once!).  It was so warm out that we didn't even need our coats! We had a blast, and we even got to watch a cute couple get engaged on the ice. It was a fun way to start the day. I took your elephant so that we could get a picture in front of the Rockefeller Christmas tree in memory of you.  Later I found an ornament to mark our special time honoring you.

After finishing up on the ice, we headed to find some breakfast.  Before stopping at a small cafe, we went into St. Patrick's Cathedral where we lit a candle for you and others we knew spending Christmas in Heaven. I said a prayer that all of you were having the most wonderful time celebrating in Heaven. Those moments spent remembering you and your friends on Christmas morning were among the most meaningful moments of our trip for me.

After breakfast, we strolled to Central Park and spent some time enjoying the nice weather.  We made our way down to the Empire State Building. It was foggy so we decided to wait to go up to the top. Instead, we hopped on the Subway and visited the 9-11 Memorial and Museum.  The memorial was absolutely breathtaking and such a beautiful tribute to the victims of 9-11. There are two twin reflecting pools that stand in the footprint of the fallen towers, and the names of the nearly 3.000 people who lost their lives that day are inscribed around the bases. The museum captures so beautifully the lives of those lost and the strength and unity America showed in mourning them. There is a stunning wall inside the museum with a quote that reads, "No day shall erase you from the memory of time." It was my favorite part of the museum.

We spent a few hours at the museum before heading back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. We got dressed up (Daddy looked so handsome) and enjoyed a nice dinner before heading to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular.  The Rockettes were awesome!  The whole show was amazing, from the dancing to the music to the special effects.  I was so surprised when the show ended with a live nativity and the reading of part of the Christmas story from the scriptures. It made me love the show even more.

We had plenty of other activities over the next few days too.  We enjoyed breakfast of mimosas and chocolate-covered strawberries thanks to awesome friends who had a bottle of champagne and treats delivered to our room. We took a cruise around the harbor, where we saw the Brooklyn bridge and the Statute of Liberty. We went up to the observation deck of the Empire State Building. We toured the Rockefeller Center. We of course did some shopping! Daddy bought me a beautiful "M" initial necklace from Tiffany's and a new handbag from Michael Kors. The handbag is covered in "MK" print for the designer, but for me the MK's stand for Morris Keith.

Saturday night we went to see Wicked on Broadway.  I enjoyed the entire show, but there was a song at the end that made me tear up because it reminded me so much of the way I feel about you:

"Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird
In the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better 

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good."

Merry Christmas Morris!

Love,

Mommy

Thank You & Merry Christmas from the Rankins

Dear Friends and Family,

For a second time this year, I wanted to use my blog to write directly to you.

Etiquette websites say that you should send out thank you notes within 2-3 weeks of a funeral, death, or act of remembrance. The notes should be personalized, handwritten and at least 3-4 sentences long. I must apologize to you all - I never got around to sending out most of the thank you notes that we should have sent out in the weeks and months following Morris' death. Please know that if we missed sending you a note, it isn't because we aren't grateful for the continuous support you have shown us during this time. Nothing could be further from the truth.  Ryan and I have been overwhelmed by your love, kindness and compassion.

As someone who believes in good etiquette and manners, I have felt increasingly guilty for the missing thank you notes. Several weeks ago, I had an idea to remedy the situation by sending out Christmas cards with a personalized note to each of you.  But as I scrolled through the card designs, I just couldn't bring myself to pick one out. The cards were filled with photos of happy families, smiling children and words of holiday cheer, just as holiday cards are meant to be. My heart hurt knowing that Morris' sweet face wouldn't adorn our card this year.

So instead of a hand-written thank you card or a Christmas card from us, I am breaking all the rules and writing this non-personalized, electronic, more-than-three-sentences note to you. Since I know many of you personally, I know that you won't begrudge me this.  In fact, knowing you the way I do, I am sure that many of you never expected anything from us in the first place. But the truth is, although I couldn't bring myself to say it in a card, you deserve much more than a simple thank you.

On our worst and darkest days this year, we received glimmers of hope and love from you. Your sweet texts, cards, phone calls, and gifts sustained us on the days that we wanted to fall apart. Your mention of our son's name and the stories you've shared about how he has impacted your life held the pieces of our broken hearts together. Your kind actions and words in memory of Morris continue to ensure that our son's legacy extends beyond the 8 months that I carried him in my womb. A simple thank you could not even come close to letting you know how deeply these things touch our souls or how eternally indebted we are to you for what you've done. Not a day goes by that we don't think to ourselves how lucky we are to have you in our lives.

The great thing about sending you an electronic letter is that there is no ink to be smeared by the tears that I cry writing it. As I type this letter to you, I am painfully aware that it has been a hard year for so many of you too. The old saying about March goes, "In like a Lion, out like a Lamb," but that sediment must not apply to years, because 2015 has been difficult from the start and continues to throw curve balls even now. Just last night I heard the devastating news of a little girl losing her battle with cancer. When I hear of a family having to say goodbye to a child, no matter the circumstance, I feel physically sick to my stomach. Whether our stories are similar or very different, my heart hurts for the family because it knows the pain, heartache, and longing that they now face.

This year has been a terrible year, no doubt, but there is still hope. I want to close my letter to you with a gift. It might be a gift that some of you already have, and it might be a gift that some of you don't want. I want to give it anyway. Last Sunday at church, a sermon series concluded with the importance of sharing the Gospel. My sweet friends and family, if you have never really heard the Gospel, or if you've heard it before and never accepted it, please know:

God created us to be with him. (Genesis 1)

Our sins separate us from God. (Genesis 3)

Sins cannot be removed by good deeds. (Genesis 4 - Malachi 4)

Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again. (Matthew - Luke)

Everyone who trusts in Him alone has eternal life. (John)

Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever. (Acts - Revelation)

Watch the video at Life in 6 Words

Love and wishes for a Merry Christmas,

Keri

Our Christmas tree lighting at Morris park. Merry Christmas to our Family and Friends!

Finding Joy this Christmas

Sweetheart,

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  I love this time of year, but finding joy this Christmas has been hard for Daddy and me. We decided to go ahead and put up our Christmas decorations, mainly because we were given some sweet ones in memory of you. Maybe it's just me, but the lights don't seem to shine as bright this year as they usually do. I am holding on to your verse more tightly than ever. "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Psalm 94:19

The Elephant Angel ornament I found several months ago. <3

Sweet decorations given to us by your great aunt Judy. 

We gave away some of your things last week. We found out about a baby girl who could really use them, and I knew in my heart that she was supposed to receive some of the items we had been planning to donate. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romas 8:28

I can't share much about this little girl or her story because of the situation, but Daddy and I had a chance to meet her and love on her. She is absolutely precious. We put together a big basket of things for her and included a few "Baby" gift cards that we had never spent so that other things she needed could be bought. You have such amazing family and friends, Morris, and before you were due to arrive, they made sure that we had absolutely everything that you would need. I know that the people who generously gave these items to you are sad that you aren't here to use them, but I am sure that like me, they are proud to see them go to a baby who needs them. This baby girl is one more life that has been touched in some way by you, our darling angel.

I included a note in the basket that said:

"This basket is filled with things.  These things - diapers, wipes, pacifiers, lotion, etc. - may seem very ordinary, but to us they are some of the most precious things we could give you. These things were meant for a very special baby boy named Morris. Instead of living on earth as a little boy, Morris became an angel and went to live in Heaven.  Angels have everything they could ever want or need in Heaven, so Morris has no need for the items contained in this basket anymore. As soon as we heard about you, we knew that these items were now meant for a very special little girl."

I told her about your verse, and then I gave her Romans 15:13 as her very own verse:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

I'm praying this verse over our new little friend, and I hope that everyone who reads this letter will do the same. I'm certain that God has big plans for her. Grami and I had an idea on how to celebrate your upcoming birthday and angelversary, and after helping this baby girl, I'm convinced that our idea is exactly the way we should honor your memory. I'm working on the details now, and I'll share our plans with friends and family in the coming weeks.

This year has contained so much heartache and tragedy, not just for our family, but for so many families we know and love. I'm sure that Daddy and I are not the only ones struggling to celebrate Christmas this year in the same way that we have in the past. But as the Christmas story reminds us, no matter what happens in this life, there is reason for great joy:

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and they glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause GREAT JOY for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord."  Luke 2:8-11

As we spend our first Christmas without you, we'll try our hardest to find joy in the season and remember the true reason that we celebrate.

Love,

Mommy