Eleven months ago today, Ryan and I learned that our sweet baby had left us. Our lives were shattered on that day. I remember everything that happened that morning, right up until the moment when the ultrasound technician looked at me with sad, sad eyes and uttered the words, "Keri, I'm so sorry, but I have to tell you some difficult news..." Walking out of that ultrasound room and down the hall felt like an out of body experience. I remember coming home and laying on the floor of the nursery with Ryan, where we held each other and sobbed for at least an hour. The rest of the day is a blur.
Today's date means that in one month and one day, we will celebrate Morris' one year still birthday. I say "celebrate" because that's what I promised Morris we would do on the morning we said goodbye. As I rocked him, I kissed his head and stroked his check. I promised him that every year on February 3rd, we would try our hardest to make it happiest day possible, just as we did the day we delivered him.
Ryan and I have been thinking for a while about what special thing we could do in Morris' honor for his still birthday. A while back, I learned about an organization here in our community called Foster Love Ministries. Their mission is to bring hope, love and joy to our local foster care community by partnering with churches, community members, and folks like you and me. I spent several years serving as a volunteer for CASA for Kids advocating for children in foster care system so the mission of this organization really touched me.
One of the outreach projects that Foster Love Ministries helps coordinate is collecting items for "journey bags" that can be given to children who are entering foster care. Children often come into foster care with nothing but the clothes on their back. Journey bags are backpacks filled with personal and comfort items that these children can call their own when they are abruptly taken out of their homes. The goal of a journey bag is to bless these kids and let them know that they are loved, prayed for and remembered, but the journey bag can also be a blessing to the foster care family.
A friend of mine became a foster parent a few months ago. She told me about how the few weeks old baby they received came with only the outfit she was wearing - the clothes that the social department had on hand to send were either too big or too little to fit. My friend only had two hours notice that she needed to pick up the baby, and she hadn't had any idea of the age or gender of the child she would be receiving prior to the call. As Ryan and I choose some of Morris' things to gift to this sweet baby, it confirmed to me that collecting journey bags would be a perfect way to honor Morris on his still birthday.
I haven't shared much about the private moments we spent saying goodbye to Morris. Honestly, I've wanted to keep them to myself. But this morning in the shower, as I thought back to that day and remembered one of my favorite moments with Morris, it gave me inspiration for our journey bag project.
On the day we said goodbye to Morris, I remember singing softly to him as I rocked him. The very last song that I sang to him that morning was my favorite lullaby, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Tears streamed down my face, and my voice must have cracked a thousand times, but it seemed like the perfect way to say goodbye to my angel:
"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?"
Our sweet little boy is somewhere over the rainbow. These sweet foster children, well, I hope and pray that they are on their way to finding their own rainbow. With that in mind, I've decided to name our project of collecting journey bags, "Operation Over the Rainbow".
We'll be collecting items for the next month to deliver to Foster Love Ministries the week of Morris' still birthday. I'll be setting up a Facebook page with a list of the items we are collecting. If you feel led and are able, I hope you'll join us. You can donate one item, several items, or fill up an entire journey bag. I know whatever you can do will be so appreciated by the children and families who receive a bag. I'll share on the Facebook page some ways that you can get your items to us for donation.
Thank you for your part in helping us celebrate Morris' life and his one year still birthday. We love you all so much!
Love,
Keri
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