Getting Prepared

Sweet Morris,

I haven't written in a while.  I've been thinking about you a lot though. I was traveling for work earlier this week, and I woke up one morning at 3 AM with you instantly on my mind.  For some reason, a memory of being down in the basement with Daddy as he painted the changing table gray and white for your nursery came to mind. I cried thinking about all the love and hard work he put into the room and how we never got to bring you home to it. 

As I'm sitting here typing this letter to you, your brother and sister are busy moving around.  I can actually see my belly moving with each little kick. I think maybe its their way of letting me know they want to say hello to their big brother too.

I've slowly started preparing for the arrival of your siblings.  I haven't been able to bring myself to buy big items we need yet, like a second car seat, crib or double stroller, but I've started collecting clothes and other small items for the babies.  It is a big step for me because I wasn't sure that I would be able to buy anything this time around.  I guess the fact that there are two babies to prepare for has made me change my plans a little. We've already started getting some help from family and friends with several sweet gifts for the twins - custom onesies, soft lovies, hand-knitted sweaters with elephant buttons from your great aunt Nancy, and a few other items.  I hope your brother and sister like elephants! :)

Others who have gone through a loss can probably relate to the difficulty in preparing for another baby/babies after you've lost a baby.  Although I know deep down that buying things or not buying things won't change what's going to happen, it somehow seems safer to wait.  The thought of having to go through and make decisions about baby items again if something were to happen is heartbreaking. 

I used to read and sing to you in the womb, and I've done that a few times for the twins.  I've mostly read books that I never read to you, because it is too emotional to remember the time I spent reading to you.  The first book I tried to read them was one of the books I read often to you, but I couldn't get through it without lots of tears.  Even though I knew I was reading it to these two new babies, it felt like I was reading it to you. I've picked up a few new books for the twins, and I'm working on finding them their own lullaby.

The Sadie Rose Foundation 5k was held last Sunday.  It was a cloudy day with some rain, but there were moments of sunshine too.  Team Moments with Morris had several repeat participants and a few new ones this year. Even though the event wasn't timed this year, Papaw still ran most of the way and made it back early.  I didn't walk, but I was thinking of you!  With the help of the photographer, we captured a few photos of our group and even recreated a few of last year's pictures.  It is neat to see how much your cousin Abigail and our Godson Jackson have changed in this past year.  I guess Mommy looks pretty different too! 

Love and miss you,

Mommy