We've passed a big milestone in this pregnancy, maybe one that only I was holding my breath waiting to pass. Today I am 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant. That's one more day pregnant than I was when you were delivered stillborn. I wish I could say that meeting that milestone has taken away all my anxiety and worry, but in all honesty, I am still having trouble imagining that we will be bringing these two babies home with us.
So many people have been praying for us in the last several months, and I have been reminded of that this past week as I've received so many messages of encouragement and love. I really believe that those prayers led God to orchestrate a situation over the past week to ensure that my anxiety would be much lower than it otherwise would have been. I am thankful because this has enabled me to better rest physically and emotionally as we prepare for your siblings to arrive.
As we near the end of this pregnancy, I am struck once again by just how blessed I am. Daddy has been by my side this entire pregnancy, literally waiting on me hand and foot, doing everything he can to ease my worries and fear. Grami has washed and put away countless baby items, taken care of lots of household chores, and been such a blessing in helping us prepare for these little ones. Papaw has worked all summer on an expansion to Morris Park in anticipation of two new arrivals and in memory of you, and he helped Daddy hang several items in order to finalize the nursery. Your Bball and G-Daddy went through tubs and tubs of clothes handed down from family members, sorting, washing and folding them all for us. They've also stepped in and helped take care of our dogs Izzy and Abby whenever needed. Your aunts and uncles have helped and been supportive in many ways. Friends and family have showered us with gifts and offered up so many thoughts and prayers on our behalf.
Its funny how different life can be from the life we plan, but I guess it is never different from the life God has planned for us. I remember so clearly the moment that I felt God was promising me that Daddy and I would be parents - it happened almost a year before you were conceived. We had been struggling for a while to get pregnant, and after a tearful prayer, I just felt God telling me that we would would have a child. When we lost you, I remember praying to God and begging that his plan was we not only get to be parents to you, but to a child that we would get to bring home. And despite all the anxiety and doubt I have felt through this pregnancy, I remember feeling certain after that prayer that God had plans for us to be parents again. Throughout this pregnancy, I have tried to hold on to a verse that Elizabeth says to Mary in Luke Chapter 1. Elizabeth had been barren and was in old age, but the Lord had promised her and her husband that they would bear a child. Mary, pregnant with Jesus at the time, comes to visit Elizabeth. As soon as she arrives, Elizabeth feels the baby inside her leap for joy and she exclaims, "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord's word to her will be fulfilled (Luke 1:45)."
Although I am anxious and faith can be a moment-to-moment battle right now, I have to trust God to fulfill the promise he made to me a long time ago. I have to believe that I will be holding your healthy brother and sister in my arms very soon.
Love,
Mommy
