Your Passport

My Darling Boy,

Your death has given me the ability to feel so much more deeply than I used to...it is as if something in me has opened up and allowed me to experience life in a new way. Maybe that is what women mean when they say that being mother changes you. The emotion I feel when both sad and happy things happen has been exponentially multiplied since you've been gone. I find myself in tears over a stranger's bad news one day and sobbing over the beauty of the sun peaking out over the mountains the next. It is a roller coaster to say the least, but oddly enough, it's not one that I want to get off. In the happy moments, I feel as though I have some tiny glimpse into what it must be like in heaven, and my heart can't contain the joy I feel for you in those moments. "But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.'"(Matthew 19:14)

We received the sweetest gift from our TX friends the other day. When I opened the small package, I laughed. Inside was a Texas passport. I flipped open the small booklet and landed on a page that quickly turned my laughter into happy tears. The passport is yours. It contains your name and a picture of your little stuffed elephant in front of the Bluebonnet field. I don't know if I've ever received such a thoughtful gift. I immediately put the passport with all of our other Morris treasures in your nursery.

The passport made me think about all the places we went together while you were still safely inside my tummy. I was traveling a good bit when I first learned I was pregnant, and within a matter of a few weeks, you traveled with me Orlando, FL, Providence, RI, Plymouth, MA, Sturgeon Bay, WI, and to one of your daddy and I's favorite places, SML Resort (our framily's home at Smith Mountain Lake). As we sat on the dock at the lake that summer, I dreamed of all the long weekends that you would be lucky enough to spend on the water growing up. I thought about all the places that I wanted to take you...places I've been to like Disney World and the Dominican Republic and places that I wanted to experience for the first time with you like the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park.

Your TX passport reminded me that our adventures don't have to stop just because you aren't physically here. I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that at some point in our lives, your daddy and I get to all those places that I wanted to share with you, and when we do, I will carry you with me in my heart. Each time we return home, I'll write down all of our memories. That way, you won't miss out on a thing.

Love,

Mommy