It's Not All Bad

Darling Boy,

I snuggled with both your brother and sister at different points last night, and as I looked at their peaceful and angelic faces, I thought of you.  I thought of something that my cousin shared with me right after you passed away.  It was a quote that said, "And to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus."  On the eve of Election Day and amid news stories about serial killers and terrorism, I found comfort in that knowledge.

I am an anxious person by default, so perhaps I should have known, but nothing could have prepared me for the anxiety that having to raise babies in this crazy scary world brings.  I'm only 33, but even I can see just how different the world is from the one I grew up in. Terrorism is everywhere - overseas and our own backyards.  Greed and evil rule the hearts of many.  Earthquakes, hurricanes and other natural disasters seem more and more frequent.  The end of times feels so very close to me.

Just the other night, as I gazed down at Griffin sleeping on my lap and tried to quiet all these thoughts rolling around in my head, I was overwhelmed by a mother's love. I asked Daddy if he thought we had been selfish by wanting to bring more lives into this messed up world. I ran down the list of all the reasons why maybe we shouldn't have.  Daddy was quiet for a moment, then he looked up from a sleeping Baylor and said, "Yeah.  But there are a lot of good things about this world too."

        

It took me a few hours of pondering it, but I've realized he's right. For now, God still hears our prayers. He continues to bless us.  There are simple pleasures I enjoyed growing up that Baylor and Griffin will also enjoy.  For them there will be Christmas mornings cozied up as a family reading about Jesus's birth, summer days playing outside, a first time seeing the majesty of the ocean, the thrill of their first bike ride, an exciting first day of school, and so many more happy moments coming. 

So while Election Day has me feeling a little sick to my stomach, I am choosing to focus on the positive today.  I am holding on to my faith in God and remembering that no matter who wins the election, and no matter what happens after its over, God is the almighty ruler in this world and in the next. And while this world is a scary place, like Daddy said, it's not all bad.

Love,

Mommy