Moments with Morris: One Year

My Sweet Baby,

You've been on my mind so much these last few weeks. We celebrated your birthday last week. Nisa's Cafe donated a spot for us to celebrate with our close friends and family, and Sweet Nana Cakes donated a beautiful cake in your memory. The cake contained your name and an elephant with angel wings on top. It was perfect. The night was really special to me because it fulfilled a promise that I made to you that the day would always be one of celebration. As I looked around the room at one point, I noticed that the room was filled with laughter and happiness the way that I hoped it would be when I made the promise a year ago. When the time came to cut the cake, we sang Happy Birthday to you. I was worried it might be weird or sad, but Aunt Becca reassured me that you only get one first birthday, even if that birthday is in Heaven. We sang it loud, and for the most part, without any tears.

The Sunday before your birthday, we held our Operation Over the Rainbow Celebration Day. So many people came to help us pack Journey Bags and remember you. When it was all said and done, we collected 170 bags for foster care children...way more than my original goal of 10 bags! God was clearly in the midst of this project, and He provided exactly what we needed at every turn to make this project a success. People contacted me hours after my first post about the project offering to be collection sites. Friends chipped in to help organize and plan pick up of donations and the celebration event. Hundreds of people contributed in the form of full bags and donations. It was an amazing way to remember you on your first still birthday.

A year ago today, just one week after your still birth, I started my blogging journey. I often re-read that first post, although I remember most of that day by heart. There are some memories that don't need to be written down in order to be captured forever in our hearts. In so many ways, I believe writing these letters to you has helped me heal. Some of my early letters were so raw, and in reading them I am reminded of the roller coaster of emotions that this past year brought. But I am also reminded of just how much your life has impacted my life and other's lives for the better. Just this morning, I saw a quote that said, "When someone dies, you don't get over your grief by forgetting; you get through your grief by remembering."

Our lives are so different from what we thought they'd be a little over a year ago. I often wonder about the future and what it might hold, and it is hard to not feel anxious about it at times. I was feeling particularly anxious last night as I got into bed, so I said a prayer asking for God's peace. I couldn't sleep, so I got on Facebook for a few minutes. As I scrolled through the page, quotes and verses like these filled my feed:

"Cast all your worries on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"Honest cries for help, lifted up to Jesus, will not go unheard. He sees. He knows. He loves." Lysa TerKeurst

"Stress comes from trying to do it all on our own. Peace comes from putting it all in God's hands." David Willis

"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see." 2 Corinthians 5:7

"Soak in these words tonight before you go to bed: God is the solution for every single one of my troubles. God is within me and pefectly equips me to know what to do. God is with me therefore there is nothing I'll face alone. Evidence of His constant work is all around me if only I will choose to see it." Lysa TerKeurst

So much has happened in one year, and I'm sure this next year holds even more. I am so grateful that God continues to show up for me!

Love,

Mommy